Personal reflection written in November of 1947

When a man leaves the beaten paths, the hackneyed ways of his times, he attacks the established evils; he speaks of revolution, he is considered mad, a lunatic. As though the witness of the Gospel were not madness, as though the Christian were not capable of a great effort to construct, as if we were not strong in our weakness (cf. 2 Cor 12,9). We need many “lunatics” like these, strong, constant, animated by an invincible faith.

In the first place, an organized apostolate requires a man surrendered to God, an apostolic soul, completely won over by the desire to communicate with God, to make Christ known; souls capable of self sacrifice, of self forgetfulness, with a spirit of conquest. The rational organization of the apostolate requires precisely that the supra rational be in first place. Be a saint! In short, don’t seek support from the resources of human action, but lean on God alone. The rest will follow: do not work like a warrior but as a member of the Mystical Body, in union with others, taking advantage of all the means available so that Christ can grow in others, but taking care that the flame burn brightly in oneself.

It is impossible to be a saint if one is not first a man; I am not saying a genius, but rather an integral man within his proper dimensions. There are few integral men. We teachers do not concern ourselves much about forming them; and few take this goal seriously for themselves.

Man has within himself his light and his strength. He is not the echo of a book, the mirror image of another, the slave of a group. Judge things for yourself; he loves spontaneously, not forcibly, he submits to what is real without constraint and no one is freer than he. If he moves slower than the events around him; if he sees things less significant than they really are; if he chooses to do without the indispensable, he will fail. And we cannot be indifferent in the face of failure because my failure is the failure of the Church and of humanity. God did not create me to seek failure. Only when I have exhausted all available means and only then can I console myself and appeal to resignation. Many work to keep themselves occupied; few do so to build; they are satisfied because they have made an effort. This is not enough. It is necessary to love effectively.

Balance is an indispensable element for a rational task. A balanced man is worth more than a genius without balance, at least for day-to-day work. Equilibrium is not to be understood as a good mixture of mediocre qualities; but rather harmonious growth that may be proper to a brilliant man, or to a sickly one, or to one with very advanced specialization. This has nothing to do with destroying the union of the powers or gifts he has, but rather going beyond them through firm adherence to truth, to self-fulfillment in God alone, through love.

Christian morality permits the harmonizing and prioritizing of everything, no matter how intelligent, ardent or vigorous one might be. Humility comes to temper success; prudence bridles haste; mercy sweetens authority; equality tempers justice; faith supplements the deficiencies of reason; hope sustains our reasons to survive; sincere charity impedes folding back on itself; the dissatisfaction of human love leaves space for the fraternal love of Christ; sterile evasion is replaced by the aspiration for God that is filled with prayer and insatiable desire. Man cannot become balanced except through a dynamism, through aspiring to the highest values of which he is capable.

The daily rhythm must be harmonized by the balancing of rest, difficult work, and meals, sleep. It is good to remember that in many cases one can rest from one type of work by going on to another, not necessarily by seeking leisure or idleness.

At what pace should one move ahead? Once one has taken the necessary precautions to safeguard one’s equilibrium, one must give without measure in order to achieve maximum efficiency and, as much as possible, eliminate human suffering.

One works almost to the limit of one’s strength but finds in the totality of the giving and in the intensity of the effort, an inexhaustible energy. Those who give themselves by halves are soon worn out, any effort tires them. Those who have given their all, maintain their pace under the impulse of their profound vitality.

Nevertheless, there is no need to exaggerate and squander one’s strength in an excess of conquering tension. The generous man tends to move along too quickly: he would like to restore the good and destroy injustice, but he must contend with the inertia both of men and of things themselves. Spiritually it is about walking in step with God, about taking one’s exact place in the plan of God. All effort that goes beyond this is useless, even harmful. Activity is replaced by activism which goes to the head like champagne, aspires to unreachable goals and takes away any time for contemplation; a man ceases to be in charge of his life.

In fragmenting the life of the spirit, one acquires an attitude of extreme tension that denies oneself all rest. But since neither body nor soul is made for this, a lack of equilibrium soon becomes evident, there is a breakdown. It becomes necessary to humbly call a halt, to stop and rest under the trees and enjoy the view; we might say add a fantasy zone to our life.

The danger of excessive action is that of compensation. An exhausted man easily seeks compensation. This moment is all the more dangerous when one has, to some extent, lost self control, the body is tired, the nerves are agitated, the will is irresolute. The greatest stupidities are possible in these moments. One simply has to slow down: restore one’s calm among kind friends, recite the rosary mechanically and go to sleep sweetly in the Lord.