Personal reflection written in November 1947

The soul purified in love is often tormented by anguish. Not anguish over its own destiny: it has far too much love and its hope is too profound to spend time considering its own situation. The person knows himself to be small and weak, but nonetheless, sought by God and loved by Him…

His anguish is the product of the misery of the world. The foolishness of men, their ignorance, ambitions, cowardice, the egoism of nations, of classes, the obstinacy of the bourgeois that refuses to understand, their moral mediocrity, the ardent call of the masses, the shortsightedness and at times the hatred of those in charge. The unconcern for justice. The endless number of huts and filthy shacks. Insufficient or badly managed salaries. Alcoholism, tuberculosis, syphilis, promiscuity, contaminated air. The banal, carnal spectacle, so many bars, suspicious cafés, such need to forget, so much evasion, such a waste of life. Enormous mediocrity among the rich as well as the poor. Foolish humanity that dazes itself with cheap music and then fights.

The soul feels seized by great anguish. The misery of the world that has taken up residence in the soul, tortures it. The heart seems at the point of exploding. It cannot take any more. The stomach cramps, the anguish rises from the heart and tightens the throat.

What can I do Lord? Must I declare myself impotent, accept the defeat, cry out: Save yourself if you can? Must I get away from this evil smelling stream? Is it necessary to escape from this delirium?

No. All these persons are my dear brothers and sisters, without a single exception. They await illumination. They need the Good News. They are disposed to receive the message of the Spirit, provided He communicates with them; provided someone has thought of them, cried for them, loved them; provided someone is close enough to them to understand them and help them to walk; provided there is someone who, above all else passionately loves justice and truth and lives them intensely.

Provided there is someone capable of liberating them, of helping them discover their own riches, hidden within themselves, in the true light, in fraternal joy, in a profound desire for God.

Provided that the one who desires to help them has reflected sufficiently to be able to capture the entire universe in his gaze, the universe that searches for God, the universe that leads man that he might arrive at God through the mutual support of brothers, made to love, to cooperate in the equal sharing of burdens and in the fruits. By means of an analysis of the reality which needs work, through successes and defeats, through diligent intervention, through political wisdom finally re-conquered, through adherence to all truth; through holding fast to Christ in faith. Through hope. Through the complete gift of myself to God and to humanity and all those to whom I will bring the message and in whom I will light the flame of truth and love.